I can’t find any tranquility. I’m exhausted. My sister on law told me off yesterday and I was just messing around. Their whole family is full of assholes. I can’t handle it. They are so mean. I don’t get to say shit and they can say whatever and I sound like a child. I want to move and I hate my fucking life!
I hate everything. My suicidal thoughts are even in my dreams now. Leaving is the only thing that makes sense and I don’t see how I can. I’m so fucking poor and no one will help! Fucking fuckity fuck. Fuck.
But I have to go put a fake ass adult smile on and pretend that I don’t hate every fucking thing in the whole world cause I’m not G-d damned teenager and only teenagers hate this much.
I need to have the time and the help to heal and be happy. I can’t get that when every time I get myself in check he obliterates any sense of true North I had. I hate his fucking guts. I want to do something else with my life! I want to be elsewhwere and happy. I want him to die.
I’m sorry for not being good orhaving happy posts about how to live well or something. I wish I was dead. Damn it.