I can’t find any tranquility.  I’m exhausted.  My sister on law told me off yesterday and I was just messing around.  Their whole family is full of assholes.  I can’t handle it.  They are so mean.  I don’t get to say shit and they can say whatever and I sound like a child.  I want to move and I hate my fucking life!
I hate everything.  My suicidal thoughts are even in my dreams now.  Leaving is the only thing that makes sense and I don’t see how I can.  I’m so fucking poor and no one will help!   Fucking fuckity fuck.   Fuck.
But I have to go put a fake ass adult smile on and pretend that I don’t hate every fucking thing in the whole world cause I’m not G-d damned teenager and only teenagers hate this much. 

I need to have the time and the help to heal and be happy.  I can’t get that when every time I get myself in check he obliterates any sense of true North I had.   I hate his fucking guts.  I want to do something else with my life!    I want to be elsewhwere and happy.   I want him to die.

I’m sorry for not being good orhaving happy posts about how to live well or something.  I wish I was dead.   Damn it.



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