Bright.

I’ve never tried alcohol.  I want to.  

I don’t have a tatoo.  I want one.  

I love music.  I can have it whenever I want.

I love being active.  No more TV.

I can’t cook.  No more criticism.  

Fair chore division.

I can do whatever I want.

I can go wherever I want.

I can be who I am. 

I can grow.

I can heal.

I can live.

I want to try being lesbian.  

I want to do all the fun things he never let me do..
No more last minute plan canceling for fake ailments.

No more illness per weekend.

More love.

More laughter.

More life.

Less drama.

I’ll be able to talk at the dinner table sans uninteruptable monologue.

No more praising an overgrown man-child for actually half pulling his weight.

No more.

I realized, I’ve been an adult 15 years and I’ve never been able to make any adult decisions.  All decisions have been dictated by the narc.  

I. CAN. MAKE. MY OWN. DAMEND. DECISINS!   

Starting with a cell phone.  I will get to buy one and pick my carrier and everything.   I get to pick where I live and what I do and how I do it.  This is going to rock!

Unfortunately I have to accept help. I need it, desperately, but so far no one has offered and I can’t get out on my own.  I don’t know if I can do this.  This post was supposed to be bright side, but I’m so fucking ashamed of how scared I am.  What if he kills me?

What if he hurts my kids or twists things?  What if everything implodes?  Nothing ever works out for me.  Why would this?   Fuck. No.

I hope I can gain enough to come out on top of this.

Side.

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