I need a way.

I need away.

I need to go away.

Well, I need him to go away.   I’m tired of this fragmented life.  I’m tired of the panic attacks (I didn’t even realize that’s what they were until a couple weeks ago…)   I should be able to shop alone without freaking out!   I cannot even make decisions.  I am displaying classic abuse symptoms, but I’ve believed for so long that I was fine that I didn’t even realize how sick I was getting…   

It’s time I stop chickening out.

It’s time I stop his attakcs and dltantrums and belittling.  It’s time I give me what I deserve.   

I’m so scared to lose my kids.  He’s been so awful and not listened and often the only thing I can do at all is text and I have sent a couple mean texts.  I hate him.  He has ruined my life.  

What if I lose custody?   I don’t know if I’ll be strong enough for that.  Then there is death I guess.  
I really want a tatoo with the idea of strength and mental health and freedom.  I have wanted a tatoo for a long time but my family really hates them so I never have.   I am not sure….
I guess I need a prayer.  



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