So I found some evidence that he was looking for a lawyer the other day.

He’s done a lot to really alienate me and belittle me over the last few weeks.  Lots of gaslighting and all around hurtful behavior into the typical manipulation, lies and awful, degradation.  The humiliation is the worst.  Every joke ends with him telling me how ugly, not funny, or awful in general I am.

I have never been able to tell him any of my needs.  Now he tells me I am manipulating him because I told him I didn’t feel loved.  I just desperately want to not be alone for a few minutes.  I want to feel loved for a second.

That’s not true.  I want to feel loved all the time.  But I worked so hard.  I worked so very hard.  I wanted for my life to work out.  It isn’t.  I’m so tired of being there for him only to have him constantly stab me in the back and tell me that I’m at fault for his abuse.  He’s such an ….

I think he told the older kids tonight about it.  I think instead of actually giving me notice that he’s actually joining the family for a day he just jumped in for one day and took the kids for a few minutes, got them on his side and he’s going to “win”.  That means a big loss for my kids.  He doesn’t take care of them.

He looks better on paper though and he is a special kind of backstabbing, lying, manipulative shit.  And the narcissists always win in court right?


I think if I lost custody I might actually be able to kill myself.  I couldn’t handle it.  I would have to watch as he lied to them and manipulated them and hurt them.  I would have to, by court order stand back and watch him hurt them immeasurably.  I cannot handle this constant unknown.


He records parts of conversations.  After that, he listens only to my parts.  He eggs me on until I finally cry about whatever and then makes fun of me relentlessly.  He is pure evil and I hate him so much for manipulating my life like this.


The worst part is that I could have been someone.  I could have been anyone.  I could have left the abuse of my childhood, but I made one bad decision that has led to the second half of my life being a completely miserable waste.


He’s gonna get a divorce.

I’m gonna get nothing.

Then I’m gonna die.

Cause I’m done.

Life sucks.



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